1st-Year-of-Working Anniversary

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang telah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

– Not really related to following post

Rumor has it the posting results will be out on the 12th of November – right smack on my birthday.

Geez. Birthday wishes had better come true.

Today makes it exactly a year since I started working gosh and golly. WEEE 365 days already!

I can’t say I’ve learnt the most I could possibly have. I’ve always been a slow learner I guess – taking my own sweet time to warm up to things and to adjust and adapt and to slowly crawl out from under that thick coconut shell I like to call my comfort zone.

But what I can say is that throughout this year, I have gained invaluable life experiences – things not quite related to work, not technical in quality; these are aspects that upgrade our lives from monotonous survival to lives that are rich and fulfilling.

For one, I’ve always been the sort who bonds for life, but those I bond to are unfortunately few and far apart. Perhaps it’s because of my inherent tendency to distrust people from the start. Jaded, I think.

However, being with the people I’ve been with the past year has slowly eroded this defensive wall I could never fully knock down on my own (although I have taken the sledgehammer to it, my work was never complete). Whilst the people who knew me back then would describe me as having frustratingly immovable tendencies of keeping things to myself, the past few months have seen me unleashing torrents of rantings and random emotional outbursts on these people whom I see everyday.

Whoops.

Besides “opening up”, as they call it, I also find myself becoming ever so slightly more responsible. Stop that now. I can hear you rolling your eyes.

I vividly recall the first month I worked. Oh lord, I swear I had the urge to ditch work every single morning at 6.00am. And in fact, I sure has hell did, a few times too many.

Twelve months down the road however, my body now wakes itself up like clockwork every single morning at 6am. Even on weekends which is goddamn annoying. Usually the part of my body involved is the good ol’ bladder, begging to be relieved. Strange but true.

Not too sure if that’s considered being responsible, but I like to think it is. At least I’m not doing as I please (quite as much) anymore.

And of course, I’ve also wisened up to the cruel reality that the world is never really that simple, and that the people in it strive only to accomplish their own motives.

But then again, selfishness is probably one of the prerequisite human traits that drive us to succeed – as we move to bring improvement into our lives and bring improvement to the lives of others who play a role in our lives, which will then of course inadvertently further improve our own lives yadda yadda.

Take the example of “love”. When we fall in love, it’s usually (I say usually because this probably doesn’t stand true for you sadistic/masochistic weirdos) because that one person makes us feel like a better person. Suddenly, we become more confident, and they become our confidant. We know we are no longer alone. That person is a reflection of what we think should/could/would make us more perfect. Whole. Complete.

Thus, lending a perfect example to the selfish “I” syndrome. I feel like a better person. I feel happier. I feel whole. I love him/her.

In reality, first and foremost, we love ourselves.

Hmmm. Which could be why most people who have “issues” and who haven’t come to terms with their flaws and who do not in fact “love themselves” (yup, you broken screwed up thing, pwned for life) find difficulty in maintaining life partnerships.

I probably fit right in there quite nicely aw shucks.

Anyhuu, it’s just a thought, don’t quote me on this.

Yeah so today I blow a candle to my one year of working at the bureau. In a few days from now I’ll blow another 23 to being uhhh 21 *cough* AND hopefully to continuing my journey through life, nice and happy at the bureau, where we all know I belong =)

2

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Kah Yie
    Nov 05, 2009 @ 16:40:31

    hope u get where u wan moi….
    dun become like me… retained in kelantan for another 3 fking years… dam angry n disappointed man…
    i wonder why the hell these guys wan me back in here again n again…
    faint***

    Reply

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